First of all, any list that has more than ten items is simply too long. So
here's a simple list of ten ways men can attract more women to dance with
them. [ed; deletion]. The bottom line is that women who wish to dance are looking for a good overall
dancer, a good lead, someone who is considerate and careful for their safety,
as well as being well-groomed and appealing.
These ten tips detail how a man can best appeal to a woman dancer in these
#1 Learn to dance. Most women dancers prefer to dance with someone who is a
good dancer. You don't need to have years of experience or know a million
moves. But know the dance (whether salsa or ballroom) well enough to lead
your partner with confidence and clarity. Most important is to have gotten
the dance posture and leading techniques down, through lessons and coaching
to the point where a woman will "read" that you are confidend and relaxed.
I've danced with people who have been dancing for years and still have
terrible dance position, weak leads or otherwise are tentative or insecure.
I've also danced with relatively new dancers who are solid and strong in
leading a dance. I prefer a novice who leads well, to someone with a lot of
moves who has terrible techni que. Invest in an hour or two of private
coaching and ask for feedback on your lead and posture. Then work to develop
#2 Be a courteous dance partner. Invite a woman to dance by extending your
hand and asking if she would like to dance. Escort her to the floor and
throughout the dance focus on not only leading the dance, but connecting with
your partner. Dancing is not about a lot of fancy moves. It is about
connecting and moving to the music with your partner. A good dancer who
never looks at or "clues in to" the woman he is dancing with is not one whom
a woman will be excited to dance with. Even if your partner is not the best
dancer, always be courteous. After the dance ends, escort your partner back
to where she was when you invited her, or to the edge of the dance floor.
Never just walk away or leave your partner in the middle of the dance floor.
Say "thank you" after a dance, even if it was less than enjoyable.
#3 Protect your partner. A leader's job is to lead the dance and part of
leading is preventing collisions or other situations which could injure his
partner or himself. Many salsa dancers ignore this role and spin or lead
their partners into others, step on other dancers, or otherwise put
themselves or others in a position of getting hurt. A leader should stop
dancing or do what it takes to make sure that the woman he is dancing with
does not get injured on the floor. No woman wants to dance with a man who
ignores safety and creates situations which cause her injury or make her fear
she will get hurt.
#4 Seek to regularly improve your dancing. Once you have mastered the
basics of leading and a few moves, work to increase your repertoire. It gets
boring to dance with someone whose moves are predictable and never change.
This applies to seasoned as well as beginning leaders. Some strong dancers
stop taking classes and once a woman has danced with them a few times, their
entire repertoire is known. By periodically learning a few new moves or
steps a leader will keep experienced dancers intrigued and interested. I
relish dancing with men who are never boring, because they always have
something fresh they're trying on the floor.
#5 Groom yourself. A man should be clean, neat and appropriately dressed
for a woman to want to dance with him. Body odor can be a real problem for
some men. Make sure to use deoderant and to have clean hair, hands,
fingernails and the like. Brush your teath and use breath freshener.
Alcoholic or smokers' breath is a turn-off for women who like to dance. Hair
should be neatly combed and a man should shave or trim his facial hair before
dancing. After shave/cologne can be overpowering in a club, so avoid it for
dancing. A lot of greasy hair products can also be off-putting. Clothes
should be clean, fit well and be neatly pressed. Shoes should be polished.
Natural fibers absorb moisture better than synthetics and feel better to the
touch. If you sweat a lot, take extra shirts and change into them as
needed. It's not fun to dance with someone who is soaking wet with sweat.
Flashy jewelry, tank tops, sneakers, t-shirts are not usually appropriate
#6 Learn to talk and dance at the same time. What a concept! Dancing is a
social activity. If you are doing a dance that is slow enough to allow for
some conversation, by all means talk to your partner. A running conversation
may not be advisable while trying to dance with someone new, but introducing
yourself and exchanging a few words--a compliment about dance ability, a
question about where one likes to dance, etc., indicate that you have a
personality. And if you see this person at a future time, it is that much
easier to ask them to dance again. Women like good dancers but they like men
with some personality too. The "silent dancer" who never speaks a word an be
off-putting for many of us.
#7 Smile. Dancing should be enjoyable. Too many dancers never smile or
indicate they are enjoying themselves. A partner can feel positive (and
negative) energy from you! A bit of smiling indicates you are having a good
time. On the other hand, a fixed smile or staring at someone with a goofy
grin on your face can be a total turnoff. Smile when the feeling moves you,
when you catch your partner's eye, as it feels natural.
#8 Dance with different types of dancers. Some men are extremely selective
about whom they dance with. Others take pains to dance with many different
women, of all sizes, shapes, ages and abilities. When I see a good,
attractive dancer asking an older woman, or a less advanced dancer to dance I
think more highly of him than of one who will only dance with the hottest,
sexiest woman on the floor and who looks right through other women.
#9 Don't try to dance to a dance you don't know. A lot of salsa dancers
know no cha cha or rumba or ballroom dances. Some of them try to fudge it by
asking a woman to dance to a cha cha and then doing salsa moves. Women want
to dance with someone who knows the dance and can lead it . It's very
frustrating to dance a cha cha with a man who has no clue how to dance cha
cha. Either get some lessons in cha cha or sit out the dance, but don't put
a woman through the frustration of dancing with you when you don't know what
#10 Do the asking. Some male dancers seem to be lazy or stuck up. They wait
for women to ask them to dance instead of asking the women. While there's
nothing wrong with taking a break while dancing and having a woman ask you to
dance occasionally, the general etiquette calls for men to ask women to
dance. Don't make it more complicated by playing "hard to get" and making
women guess if you want to dance or not. Either ask women to dance if you
wish to dance, or stay off and away from the dance floor so women can tell
you aren't interested in dancing.